Monday, August 20, 2007

here we go. on nite shift again.

sianz.

todae i learn that life is not all about just being happy.

in the process there is sure to have the down side.

in each and everyone of us. there is sure to be a loser in sum wae or another.

we cnt avoid dem. all we cld do is to jus pray and hope we'll get thru it..

ok. how? how do i xplain to dem dat i haven acualy reli 100% moved on.

i noe. i noe he wants to cum in and be near.

but i find myself building up dis wall btwin us.
and sumhw. i just cld not understand why.

why can they moved on smoothly..but not me?

why cant i just open up to love again.

look. i noe. i noe i have been harsh.

but its not dat i wan to. i jus have to.

i noe u noe that.

i dun wan to be taken advantage of again and again.

so i tot by being mean and harsh.. maeb dey wnt take advantage of me?

i noe. i noe its wrong. i hate dis. i hate my atitude towards dem.

but how.. how do i be nice again to the innocence?

but how do i noe if dey're reli inocent

or dey're just putting up a mask jus to get me.

it jus seemed like i no longer capable of giving.

and i seem beyond being able to love and be love again.

hais.

life is all bout risk.

i noe im a coward. i dare nt take risk again.

i tell myself nt to be afraid but it seem i cnt.

it just gets tougher to get me thru the dae..

ive risk into all dis too many times and it ended up nt wat i wanted. :(

so how again? how do i noe dat dey're serious and or just foolin' around?

wat if i skip dis and ended up regrettin? damn.

i cnt xplain this feelin but i tink about it everydae.

look... wat uve done to me.

what we could have been, 10:18 AM.