colours of my life is getting pweety blur.
are u guys like shocked to see me blog? haha
like after sooo long i finally had time to actually blog.
stay home friday nite bcos nobody ask me put on a date.
shooooo pathetic. i know. wtever. :)
im craving for ben and jerrys.
i yearn to sunbath.
i wanna go long distance running.
i wld love to go out on dates. *winks*
i need a getaway.... i noe u wld bring me away. :)
maybe tomolow? :)
please do sooo asap.
pls make our europe trip come true!
double the smiles.
ok im reli getting random and bored!
text me and ask me out! im waiiting.. for you. :)
what we could have been, 11:24 AM.
i remember what it feels like
to know LOVE.
and have it taken away..
what we could have been, 8:53 PM.
what we could have been, 1:24 AM.
My head and lungs hurt so bad everytime i cough..
my lung is sooo chesty i cant get the phlegm out no matter how hard i forced it out.
i cough in lectures. i cough in tutorials. i cough in bus rides. i cough during my sleep.
having blocked nose i have to breath thru my mouth.
my head is soo heavy like as if there's sum1 sitting on top.
needle-like feeling poking my body and head from one side to another.
rashes starts to appear from my hands to my legs.. slowly to my body.
my body temperature goes up and down like as if they're playing a game with me.
cold sweats everynite i sleep.
feels so cold on the outside yet so hot on the inside.
im so exhausted. so weak. so lethatgic.
ive got no strength no energy to do anytink.
i lose my appetite.
despite all of the above.
i still think of work school and trainings.
and force a smile and laughter even though
i dun feel like smiling or even talk at all.
silly silly me.
i dun wanna be left behind.
exams around the corner.
why am i falling sick now??? :(
my body is dying on me....
what we could have been, 2:07 AM.
for sum reason, im not feeling too good.
i hate this feeling.
and i hate the fact that i border bout everytink.
even the simplest tinks. makes me ponder and wonder
day and night.
and why do fwens always find us only when they are in need?
what we could have been, 9:17 PM.
TODOLIST For the WEEK.
- Clean my
pig stylike room. Do buckets of laundry kept for a week oledy. Buy my daily toiletries.
- Study pharmacolocy class test which is held on saturday.
- At least pass one practical.
- Re-do nursing research critique.
Complete whatever projects need to be done.
- Dig my ears.. (*_~) and
- Catch up on my beauty sleep..... :(
p/s: i really need a break badly..!
what we could have been, 9:52 PM.
as much as i don't want to think bout him.
as much as i try to avoid thinking bout him.
at the end of the day.
everytime im home..
i never fail to think bout him. :'(
i really wish he's home now..
so i could have some1 to talk to..
so i can watch his favourite midnite show with .
ergh! i miss daddy.
i remember this very day.
our very last moment we spend together.
he was sooo sick yet he still want to continue with the outing.
usually he would abort the outing if he isnt feelin too good.
but dat day, that very day.. he choose to continue and fight.
he laid down from morning till evening shivering in cold.
it was the last tyme i gave him a full body massage.
i was super lazy dat very day.
but i push myself to massage him..
and i finally understood why. :(
he was such a strong men.
he was my everytink.
what we could have been, 8:11 AM.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
How do you feel when you don't succeed?Its like suddenly. everything just came crashing down on u.Crashing your life into pieces. Demoralizing you.Have you ever felt like you've gone a long way..and now when things goes down; all the way down andu don't see any hope nor a glimpse of light..all you felt like doing is just throw in the white towel; to give up..? :(moreover,u are certain that u have worked really hard andput so much effort to make things right but its never enough to other peoples eyes.and that is when the questions come, like"why isit so hard to please other people? isit us? or isit just them?"and all you want to do now is just sit at that very corner looking down,do notink and be oblivious to these failures u're suddenly facing.but on the other hand, you know u canot give up. :(:(im so overwhlmed with frustrations. so dissapointed in myself.you feel like ur life is suddenly engulfed in darkness.i should be going to training or work now.and im still sitting here doing notink.i dun feel like doing anytink.all i wanna do i just be alone. and do notink.:( probably just do sum self-reflection wondering where has all this gone wrong..how to actually get back on track and find the missing pieces.got none to depend on. except for myself. :'(
what we could have been, 2:09 AM.
Im so glad cos I've made it this far.
2009 practically was a learning year for me.
Have been a major roller coaster rides.
It has a profound impact o my well-being, strength and character.
Ive manage to be a stronger person; at least a little more.
Manage to withstand the pain of tragic deaths and heartbreaks. beginning to cherish and understand the true meanings of fwenships.
its already the 5th and I'm still feeling lost, confused and unsettled.
I'm so ashamed and utterly disappointed in myself.
somehow or rather i still feel sumtink is still amiss.
im still searching for myself.
but on the other hand, im welcoming 2010.
im hoping for a start.
ready to let go and move on.
trying to live each day at a tyme.
speaking of which i will tell myself to stop running away from certain aspect of my life and practically, start living.
i have to accept the fact that we fail in life.
but its not the failure that really matters but how we actually stand up on our feet and learn from our mistakes.
i no longer wanna be the girl who always fakes her laughter.
who seems to have no problems and holds back bucket of tear but breakdown during bus-rides or under her blanket wenever she's in her own world.
i will therefore, remember to forget the
troubles that has passed away.
but never forget to remember
the blessings that cum each day,
to remember to forget the things that made me sad
and never forget to remember the things and made me glad
be sure to appreciate whatever
i have in life and to be
thankful for the little things in life
that mean alot.
i wish 2010 will be filled with pure joy, laughter and happyness :):)
amin amin amin.
what we could have been, 8:04 AM.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing.
You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel?
I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?"
Loving you was my favorite mistake.
Its time to move on...
what we could have been, 10:11 AM.