in every life there is STUggle..

2010-07-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

colours of my life is getting pweety blur.

are u guys like shocked to see me blog? haha

like after sooo long i finally had time to actually blog.

stay home friday nite bcos nobody ask me put on a date.

shooooo pathetic. i know. wtever. :)

anyhoos.

im craving for ben and jerrys.

i yearn to sunbath.

i wanna go long distance running.

i wld love to go out on dates. *winks*

i need a getaway.... i noe u wld bring me away. :)

maybe tomolow? :)

please do sooo asap.

pls make our europe trip come true!

double the smiles.

ok im reli getting random and bored!

text me and ask me out! im waiiting.. for you. :)

2010-03-01T20:53:00.001-08:00

i remember what it feels like

to know LOVE.

and have it taken away..

2010-02-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

2010-01-29T02:07:00.000-08:00

My head and lungs hurt so bad everytime i cough..
my lung is sooo chesty i cant get the phlegm out no matter how hard i forced it out.
i cough in lectures. i cough in tutorials. i cough in bus rides. i cough during my sleep.

having blocked nose i have to breath thru my mouth.
my head is soo heavy like as if there's sum1 sitting on top.
needle-like feeling poking my body and head from one side to another.

rashes starts to appear from my hands to my legs.. slowly to my body.

my body temperature goes up and down like as if they're playing a game with me.
cold sweats everynite i sleep.
feels so cold on the outside yet so hot on the inside.

im so exhausted. so weak. so lethatgic.
ive got no strength no energy to do anytink.

i lose my appetite.
despite all of the above.

i still think of work school and trainings.
and force a smile and laughter even though
i dun feel like smiling or even talk at all.
silly silly me.

i dun wanna be left behind.
exams around the corner.
why am i falling sick now??? :(

my body is dying on me....

2010-01-24T21:17:00.001-08:00

for sum reason, im not feeling too good.

i hate this feeling.

and i hate the fact that i border bout everytink.

even the simplest tinks. makes me ponder and wonder

day and night.

and why do fwens always find us only when they are in need?

p/s: imissyoualot.

2010-01-17T21:52:00.000-08:00

TODOLIST For the WEEK.

Clean my ~~pig sty~~like room.
~~Do buckets of laundry kept for a week oledy.~~
~~Buy my daily toiletries.~~
Study pharmacolocy class test which is held on saturday.
At least pass one practical.
Re-do nursing research critique.
~~Complete whatever projects need to be done.~~
Dig my ears.. (*_~) and
Catch up on my beauty sleep..... :(

AAARRGGGHHHH...!!!!!

p/s: i really need a break badly..!

2010-01-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

as much as i don't want to think bout him.
as much as i try to avoid thinking bout him.
at the end of the day.
everytime im home..
i never fail to think bout him. :'(

i really wish he's home now..
so i could have some1 to talk to..
so i can watch his favourite midnite show with .

ergh! i miss daddy.

i remember this very day.
our very last moment we spend together.
he was sooo sick yet he still want to continue with the outing.
usually he would abort the outing if he isnt feelin too good.
but dat day, that very day.. he choose to continue and fight.
he laid down from morning till evening shivering in cold.

it was the last tyme i gave him a full body massage.
i was super lazy dat very day.
but i push myself to massage him..

and i finally understood why. :(
he was such a strong men.
he was my everytink.
my motivator.
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

BAAAAPAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!!

2010-01-13T02:09:00.000-08:00

ONCEBITTEN.TWICESHY.

How do you feel when you don't succeed?
Its like suddenly. everything just came crashing down on u.
Crashing your life into pieces. Demoralizing you.

Have you ever felt like you've gone a long way..
and now when things goes down; all the way down and
u don't see any hope nor a glimpse of light..
all you felt like doing is just throw in the white towel; to give up..? :(

moreover,u are certain that u have worked really hard and
put so much effort to make things right but its never enough to other peoples eyes.

and that is when the questions come, like
"why isit so hard to please other people? isit us? or isit just them?"

and all you want to do now is just sit at that very corner looking down,
do notink and be oblivious to these failures u're suddenly facing.
but on the other hand, you know u canot give up. :(:(

im so overwhlmed with frustrations. so dissapointed in myself.
you feel like ur life is suddenly engulfed in darkness.

i should be going to training or work now.
and im still sitting here doing notink.
i dun feel like doing anytink.
all i wanna do i just be alone. and do notink.
:( probably just do sum self-reflection wondering where has all this gone wrong..
how to actually get back on track and find the missing pieces.

got none to depend on. except for myself. :'(

2010-01-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

Im so glad cos I've made it this far.
2009 practically was a learning year for me.
Have been a major roller coaster rides.
It has a profound impact o my well-being, strength and character.
Ive manage to be a stronger person; at least a little more.
Manage to withstand the pain of tragic deaths and heartbreaks. beginning to cherish and understand the true meanings of fwenships.
.

its already the 5th and I'm still feeling lost, confused and unsettled.
I'm so ashamed and utterly disappointed in myself.
somehow or rather i still feel sumtink is still amiss.
im still searching for myself.
.
but on the other hand, im welcoming 2010.
im hoping for a start.
ready to let go and move on.
trying to live each day at a tyme.
.

speaking of which i will tell myself to stop running away from certain aspect of my life and practically, start living.
i have to accept the fact that we fail in life.
but its not the failure that really matters but how we actually stand up on our feet and learn from our mistakes.
i no longer wanna be the girl who always fakes her laughter.
who seems to have no problems and holds back bucket of tear but breakdown during bus-rides or under her blanket wenever she's in her own world.
.
i will therefore, remember to forget the
troubles that has passed away.
but never forget to remember
the blessings that cum each day,
.
to remember to forget the things that made me sad
and never forget to remember the things and made me glad
.
be sure to appreciate whatever
i have in life and to be
thankful for the little things in life
that mean alot.
.
.
i wish 2010 will be filled with pure joy, laughter and happyness :):)
.
.
amin amin amin.

2009-12-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing.
.
You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel?
I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?"
.
Loving you was my favorite mistake.
.
.
Its time to move on...

2009-12-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

Im back from London people. :)
it was an overwhelming trip :)

anyhoos, retail therapy today was mind blowing!
Walked the whole town with embryonic amount of money yet still wanna shop.
as usual i ACCIDENTALLY UNCONSCIOUSLY OVERSPENT.
whats new. sigh
i was soo engrossed with shopping that i lose track of time.
i literally thought it was only 2000 and so i ask them for chill-pill session.
only to realize it was almost 2300.

and and still not done.
i still ~~want~~ need that black berskha skinny jeans badly.
it was soo HOT that it run out of sizes. :(:(

sale wasss awesomely mad. except for the crowd.
tsk tsk.
Town was packed like sardines.
Never in my life i have to queue for Old Chang Kee and the apek ice-cream along town.
But today.. the queue was super loongg like as if they were on sale too.
Geeez!

have yet any meals fur today.
i'm famished and i hate to queue!
so i headed back home and cook myself maggiemee :):)

after which, i felt really guilty and so, i ~~promise~~ try my very best to stop spending!
and shall priorities on losing weight now.
Diddy thinks i'm fat! argghh.
pls i just need to lose 5kg and i'll be content. :) puh-lease.
need to work those fats off cindy anis!!

attachment's in 2days time. biggest sigghhhh!
and ive yet to alter my uniform.
shall do it tomorrow..

*yawns*

P/S: I am not blind to your love for me, and I dare say that I love you with my whole heart, but I'm just afraid to lose a friendship like ours...

2009-12-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

why do i always feel dis way everytime im ____. sigh.
im so glad im goin away tomorrow.
at least i could stay away from them for a week. -_-

i feel so lonely and down everytime im ____.
at least theres prince to accompany me sleep thru the pain and heartache.

hais

2009-12-09T22:41:00.000-08:00

Dear god,
please make my mummy a stronger person.
it breaks my heart to see her sad thinking bout daddy.
i know how she feels.
if i as a daughter is already hard enough to let go of daddy
and face up to reality the fact that his gone. what more the love from a wife who has been with him for almost 24years?
if i cant stop thinking and cry every single day i think bout him.
what more bout mummy?

"why" she asked. "god have to take him away cepat gini"
more often den not, i went speechless cos that's what i always ask my friends too. :_(
all i could answer was "Allah loves him more.."

Dear god,
if u could not make me a stronger person.
could you at least help my mummy be a stronger person. :_(

hais

2009-12-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

2hours of sleep. At 5am, I literally cooked myself 2 packets of maggie goreng *yumyum* just for breakfast. yes, just for breakfast!
perangai gemok i know.. i was damn famished larr...
i realized i haven had a proper meal for almost 3 days. i was so engrossed with my studies that i really forget to eat. all i remember was having watermelon and my all time favorite 'hello panda' biscuits.
my lips and skin are super dry and dehydrated prolly due to lack of water.
All i remember drinking dis week was gallons of kopipeng and redbulls just to keep me awake. GEEZ!

and i also realize these enormous fugly eyebags
growing humongous-ly each day.
i look like an obese grotesque panda :(
and and i haven had time to go fur threading. ERGHH!

on the other hand, im glad it was paid off.
i manage to vomit all the answers during exam.
3papers down. just 1 more to gooo..

EUNDUREEE..!!
ok gonna have half an hour power nap and off to study at the same place, same table and the same seat. -_-
only special people know where to find me during exam period :)
and im very happy bcos yesterday so many people surprise me a visit one after another.

after tomorrow.
i promise to catch up on my beauty sleep and fitness!
i promise to go treading and shave my armpit hair. :P
i promise to upload overdue pictures on facebook.
i promise to lose weight and go shooppping! hehe
i promise to clean my room and do my laundry.
i promise to pay all the bills and buy the toiletries.
i promise to catch up with fwens dat ive been neglecting.
and most importantly.ii promise to let go and be happy. :)
*cross finger*

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzz...

2009-12-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

Wasted many year of blind alleys cos there's no one leading me.
Going through one path that just leads to despair and utter hopelessness.
and yes, i'm blinded. cos i'm still going through that dark alley knowing the consequences and complication it'll lead to.

yes i'm very stubborn cos knowing all this,
i kept praying and hoping ill one day, find the light that i've always been searching for in that darkness.
but now all i feel is pain of regret and disappointment.

on the other hand, only through this experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened. ryte?

more often than not, its the smaller thinks in life that hurts the more than the bigger ones.

i feel like screaming my lungs out. i feel like crying like a child wants milk.
i don't want to pretend to be happy and pretend everything's okay wen its actually not.

all i can do now is just pray to get thru this.

sobsob.

2009-11-25T06:05:00.000-08:00

To laugh often and love much
To win the respect of intelligent persons
To earn the approbation of honest citizens
To endure the betrayal of false friends.
To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;
To give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived

This is to have succeeded.

2009-11-12T06:06:00.000-08:00

I wanted to call home today
and i actually called daddy's HP unconsciously.

how silly could i be? :(

then i just squatted on the pathway by the road side
crying out for daddy.
*i dun even care that bangla was looking at me*
cos all i needed was daddy. and i noe its not fair for him but i cant help it.
i still cant get over by the fact that daddy's gone. :_(

why did HE have to take him away so cepat?

2009-11-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

"when will you ever grow up?" she asked.

it actually got me thinking, will i ever grow up?
But if being dis way makes me happy den why should i change?
am i not wrong? :(

Or am i not happy?

; wants that lomo camera and LV tote badly,
pretty please with the cherry on top! :)

2009-11-04T08:11:00.000-08:00

someday, you'll meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.

Every movie you see. Every story we're told.
Implores us to wait for it.
Sometimes we're so focus on finding out happy ending
we don't learn how to read signals.

How do we tell from the one who want us and the one who wont.
and from the one who'll stay from the one who'll leaves.

And maybe this happy ending dosen't include a wonderful guy.
maybe its u, your own.
Picking up the pieces and starting over.

Freeing urself up for sumtink better in the future.
Maybe the happy ending is just moving on..

Or maybe the happy ending is knowing that through all
the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts,
through all the blunders and misread signals,
through all the pain and embarrassment,
you never, ever gave up hope...

2009-10-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

for the past 2weeks.
i had the best amazing birthday any girl could ever ask for.
i had dozens of presents and presence.
i feel soo blessed to have such amazing fwens.

im a very HAPPY women.
no words could describe the feelings im feeling.

p/s: pictures will be up soon. insyallah.

2009-09-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

i can never be with sumone hu's unable to put me on the priority list.
and suddenly i realise that i deserve sumtink better than what u are giving me.

2009-09-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

i broke down to tears wen i hear TAKBIR after breaking fast at marina square yesterday alone.

it was supper embarrasing. i didint realise the people around me were acualy staring at me cos i was like in my own world. i only realise few minutes after TAKBIR was over wen one kind soul acually offered a packet of tissue and asked if i was ok. geez!

i headed to the toilet and to my horror! my eyes was super swollen and red and my eyes was like sum emo punk girl cos my eyeliner was all smudge! OMGOMGOMG!!

i mcm pompan tak tentu arah larr!!

supersuperembarassing okie...

and again everytime i hear TAKBIR.

i broke down to tears.. :_(

SELAMAT HARI RAYA DADDY.

imisssyoualot

2009-09-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

dissapointed with the baju kurung dat i tempah from shidah cos it literally didint turn out the wae i wanted it to be. :( and now i got no baju kurung! hmph. (bodoh nyer nyonya!)

watever la. im nt anticipating hari raya anyway.

i just hate how everytink is turning out to be. pfft.

2009-09-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

I know running away from problems wont do any good.
but i need to run away. i need to go away..
i just need to be alone. away from them. him.

daddy,i noe u will never agree to this.
im very sorry if im making a harsh decisions.
i promise you, just a few months ok. :(
to get myself back together again.

im VERI VERI sorry. :_(

2009-09-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

MY HERO.MY INSPIRATION__.

No words could describe how much Ive been missing my daddy. Sumtymes i cant help but breakdown on bus rides, during prayers, during school or especially wen im breaking my fast. Even now im on the verge of breaking down blogging bout daddy.

Daddy has always been my hero. I remember how he use to save me from my sis and mom wenever they bullied me when i was younger. My daddy was my pillar of strength. I remember how he always encourage and motivate me to never give up in life no matter how hard it gets. How he would motivate me to continue my studies everytime i told him i felt like quiting school. :( How he constantly reminds me there are more unfortunate people and learn to appreciate even the little tinks and people in life.

He, who always put others before him. He, who always try to help others in need even though his drowning too. He, who never fails to cook for me my favourite dish everytime i crave for them no matter how tired or sick he was. He was selfless. His patience and endurance has always been my inspiration.

He was just an amazing dad. :_(

The above picture was probably the 1st and the last tyme we acually celebrate hari raya as a family. :_( (as far as i could remember) Every year i hoped and prayed for my family get back together and celebrate hari raya as a family cos I noe dad has always wanted that to happen. But each year was always a disappointment.

Its the 3rd week of Ramadhan. :( I love the month of Ramadhan and i wish everyday is Ramadhan month. I dun mind fasting my whole life. Because i noe that during Ramadhan, daddy is here at home. watching over me. and us. Sumtymes at nite i could smell him. I sense him sitting beside me watching me sleep cos he noes hw much im afraid of the dark.

I remember how he would always wait for me to go to sleep to off the light in my room cos he noes how much im afraid to fall asleep in the dark. :_( daddy have sacrificed alot for me in terms of emotional financial and physical needs. :_(

:_( i miss daddy so much.

Hari Raya would be so meaningless without daddy. I dun want to celebrate Hari Raya without daddy. I want to hold his hand and seek forgiveness and hug daddy on the first day of Raya. I want to wear the same baju kurung as daddy. I want to give daddy duit raya. I want to take pictures with daddy again. Ramadhan please slow down will you.. pleasssee... :_(

I noe this sounds crazy.. but i always wish daddy would come back to life...

:_(:_(:_(:_(:_(:_(:_(:_(:_(

2009-09-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

FRIENDSOFLURVE_.

im so glad and thankful to have the opurtunity to have them in my life.
they are the ones who lite up part of my life wen thinks get down and dark.
i reckon they are probably my siblings that GOD forget to give. :)
who brings the best out of me.who tot me bout them and thinks in life by the minutes.
i love my girls to death! I love you guys more and marshmellow. more than cheese. more then caremel. more then shaker fries. more then milkshake. more then rainbows. haha
there arent enuf ways to express my love 4 dem :)

you guys are just awesome people.
thank u for the never ending gift like hugs kisses time and love.
Thanks for being my fwens. :)

im missing them badly already.
cant wait to meet up with them again..
cos they are my doses of happy-pills and i desperately need them badly..

p/s: of cos there more to just dem. :) and yes im a sentimental fool.

-PERIOD-

2009-09-01T10:29:00.000-07:00

kenape cindy anis slalu sad sad?

cindy anis tanak sad sad lagi..
cindy anis tak suka sad sad..
cindy anis nak happy happy ajer..

pleaseee... :(

2009-08-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

I want you to know that it doesn't matter.

where we take this road.
someone's got to go..
and i want you to know.
that you couldn't have loved me better.
.
But i want you to move on.
So I'm already gone...

2009-08-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

but why do i still think of you every now and then...

2009-08-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

All this while i was wasting.
Hoping you would come around.
Ive been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down.

And its taking me this long.
But i figured you out.
And ur tinking we'll be fine again.
Not dis time around..

And you got ur shares of secret.
Im tired of being the last to know.
And now ur asking me to listen.
Coz it's worked before.

And you can say ur sorry
but i wont belive you anymore
Like i did before..

You dont have to call anymore
I wont pick up the phone.
This is the last straw.

Don't wana get hurt anymore...

2009-08-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

DALAM KENANGAN

AL-FATIHAH

Allahyarham

Mohamad Bin Banasar

Telah kembali ke Rahmatullah pada 11/08/09

17 Syaaban 1109

Kenangan mu masih tetap abadi.

Pihak keluarga ingin megucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepaa saudara mara dan sahabat handai di atas sumbangan dan kehadiran mereka sehingga jenazahnya selamat dikebumikan.

Bagi pihak Allahyarham, kami memohon maaf atas segala kesalahan dan kesilapa dan halalkan segala makan dan minum semasa hayatnya. Semoga Allah S.W.T mencuci rahmat ke atas rohnya, mengampuni segala dosa-dosanya dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman.

AMIN.

P/S: TAHLIL PADA HARI PERTAMA KEDUA DAN KETIGA.

SELEPAS MAGRIB.

2009-07-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

everytink is just happening too fast too furios. :?

everytink seems to pilling up so high.

soo stressfull that i doubt anyone reli understand wat im goin thru at this point of my life.

as much as i wish i could just leave everytink bhind. i couldnt.

i just could not afford to give up. :(

how i wish i could just close my eyes and wake up in the morning and realise that all this was just a dream.

ohboy. how dumb can i get. :(

i wish u could be here with me and hear me cry.

i wish u could hug me and tell me everytink is gonna be ok.

i wish u could lend me me ur shoulder so my head would feels so much lighter.

i wish u could hold my hands and walk with me..

i wish u could read my mind so i nid nt tell u wat i feel.

cos more often den not.. its just misunderstood.

i cant do it anymore.

i cant smile and laugh and act as though im fine.

i cant put on a brave front anymore and be who im not.

im not. im not fine. at all.

im breaking inside and im falling apart. :_(

and it just gets tougher by the day..

2009-07-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

doctor needs everybody to be there today.

and im so afraid of wat the news would be.

*praying hard* =(

2009-07-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

Heartfelt condolences for Rickie.
may u rest in peace.
God loves u more then us..
u will always be remembered. :(
.
.
im just soo worn out. haven been sleeping well lately.
so many mishaps falling on us lately.
why isnt life goin just the way it should be? :_(
*sigh*
.
.
projectprojectproject are simply piece of shit! ARGGHH!!!
.
.
wen will all this gonna end? :_(
.
dadddddyyy, pleasee wake up!
i miss euuu. :_(

2009-07-24T02:12:00.000-07:00

ive already did my very best.

but why does it always seem like it was never enuf
nor appreciated. *sigh*

i cld just breakdown any moment.
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

2009-07-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

ive been skipping many lectures and classes due to family issues.
tons and tons of projects. :( schoolwork pilling soo highh i cant reach.
.
im EXHAUSTED.soo worn out. i duno hw am i gonna manage.
lots of sacrifices have to be done.
im nt gona give. ive to go through dis with him.
i need to be with him..
i need to be strong if i want him to be too. .
.
"ill be there tomorrow, just dun go without me. =( " .
.
he isnt going anywhere!! NO he is not. =_(

2009-07-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

looking at him just lying there and not talking just hurts me soo much.
having to see all the tubes in him just make me wanna cry out loud.
to touch his cynotic cold finger just makes me soo frightened.

of wat the outcome would turn out to be. :(

i believe that everytink happens fur a reason.
God's decision is always mysterious.
but i noe.. dat they are always in our favour.

"daddy.. please wake up... "

2009-07-05T02:11:00.000-07:00

yesterday.
.
i wasted half of my dae.
i lost sum1 i reli love.
i lost my GST money. FCUK!
i cried uncontrol-bly for 3 straight hours.
i hurt my finger for damn reason.
i sat there staring into space alone.
i was at my weakest stage of life.
i didint eat nor drink the whole day.
i reli hate myself.
.
yesterdae: was one of the worst day of my lyfe! :(
.
but its okie.
just goto pull myself together and everytinks
gona be just fine right?

2009-07-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

maybe tinks are just not meant to be.

i promise u ill be ur bestest fwen like u promised.

i am fine. and will always be fine. :)

insyallah.

2009-06-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

daddy tot us a little tink or two bout fishing.

and i tink im getting hook to it.

it seemed fun! i only like the throwing part but nt the waiting part. heeh.

soo wen shall we go fishing my fwens? heeehh.

2009-06-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

been and back from BINTAN. =)
this are the few pictures since MsSuaidah have yet to sent me the pictures! grr.

i got to catch both sunset and sunrise.

i had breakfast every morning by the beach.

i had my own oh-so-comfy plus no restriction 'home' with the babies.

i did that ohsotiring trekking wen i was having a terrible diarrea.

i shit-ted in the jungle twice! OMG. ok shall not be elaborated. :)

i had to see beautifull firefliess and have dem flying around me fairytale-like. :)

i got to do kayaking with abghensem and go around capsizing plp's boat.

i got to goooo snorrkellinggg and see gorgeous corals and fishes ive nv seen b4.

i ate the ohsodelicious kelong seafooodddd!

i got to have the shiok-esss massage which the woman wanted to massage my breast too! (geliii ii...!) =)

the best part. i tried bananaboat and JETSKIIIII @ affordable price...

and etc etc etc...

i had the best tyme of my liffee.. :)

and my body is still aching. GEEZ!

and no doubt.

i want morrreee..!!!!!!!!!! hee.

2009-06-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

happy advance bdae ahmad zuhaimii.

by the tyme ull be off to the jungle.

dun woriiie k we'll take care of ur annoying GF!! grr. cmi.

anyhow.

common test is like finallyy over!!!

book aside. :) its time to hurray hurray dusk tilll dawn. hee

im veli exhausted. :( but cnt wait for soo many lined-up activities coming up.

weehee~ :)

2009-06-07T07:04:00.000-07:00

cindyanis teramat letih disebabkan belajar untuk peperiksaan yang akan datang.
cindyanis tidak sabar hendak pergi bintan minggu hadapan.
cindyanis lihat bulan hari ini amat besar dan lawar.
cindyanis rindu rinduan kawan2 nyerr smua.
cindyanis rindu joget2 di kelab malam. =p
cindyanis nak carik duit banyak2 untuk blanja di GSS!
cindyanis tanya "saper boleh kasi kiter duit?"

cindyanis punya kepala otak sudah senget.
cindyanis rase kerana dia kurang kasih sayang agaknye.
cindyanis macam nak cry cry.
cincyanis tanya :sapeerr boleh pujok kan kiter?"

kechiiann i tau. =(

2009-05-31T02:33:00.000-07:00

i miss being pampered.

i miss being priorities.

i miss that little surprises.

i miss being appreciated.

i miss being kissed on the forehead.

i miss that romantic dinner by the beach.

i miss being treated like a princess.

i miss U.

*period*

common test is 2 weeks time.
time for late nite studying and those sleepless nites..

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

2009-05-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

''Confirmed ligament tear! u only left with few strand with ligaments to work on. 2 months off the pitch. learn how to walk normally again. regain ur muscle strength and then work on ur stamina back then ur fully ready for trainings.''

am i hearing the correct number and words??
2 MONTHS OF THE PITCH?
uve gotto be kidding mee!!!!!

just 1 week of not running is already killing me!!
and now im off the pitch and intensive trainings for 2 months??!!

sumbody pls slap me and tell me im not dreamingg!!
arggh!

dis is very the frustrating larr...! :(

2009-05-20T01:45:00.000-07:00

sumtymes, i wonder if ive made the right decision that day.
that very day.

have i regretted my decision?
am i regretting the decision i made?
will i regret that decision?

i guess i will never noe cos everytink now is too late.

how i wish i could turn back tyme.

2009-05-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

Though my ankle was still swelling and limping.
i couldnt refrain maself from it.

REDBULL X FIGHTER
ROCK MY PANTIES LAA!=P

the one with cap.OMG. He is supper cute larrr. haahhaa

they were totally awesomeMSHIT! OMG!!
i was screaming my lungs out all nite.
and ended the event with ouh-so-random flyer ride. wuuhuuu.

u make me gooo gugugaga. :)

2009-05-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

i sat staring at this wall with multitude of insults
and downright evil thoughts running thru my head
but never dare to voice them.

have i, in this complete ordinary world
have loss the courage and guts to

challenge myself. .?

2009-04-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

hungry BUT craving for

BEN&JERRY;s'mores

2009-04-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

.DownWithCough&Flu.

im having soo much funnnn till i the word "rest" sumhw didint exist in my

dictionary for quite a while now.

rest is like the most important tink yet people tend to overlook it

anyhoos

welcum to the year of pressure.

year2 is gona be tough. i noe. bt sumhw im nt ready for it.

im still in my holidae mood................... hais.

its only like the sencond day of school

and i already miss 2 lectures and 1 tutorial!and every lectures tutorial and practicals dat i went.

even b4 the lecture starts the lesson.im already headbanging just about to doze off.

sicksicksick

maybe i wait for the 2nd week den i start pulling my socks off.

err. probably week 3. heehee.

since common test is in week eight!
.

ohmen.

i must perserve and hang on.

i must :(

i cant wait for the weekends. :)

yeeyyy!

and and i cant wait for the next holidae.

when can i go bali mrdanny? hmm... :)

2009-04-15T01:33:00.000-07:00

that warmth hug often gave me strength as

he ended it with a celebrity kiss on my forehead.

i've never felt so blessed.

2009-04-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

i wish i could be in that slide and be pushed on a swings instead.

i wanted to be irresponsible. to be looked after.

to be told that i need not worry bout anytink. and that sum1 else wld take care of it.

how life wld be so much easier w/o havin grownup problems to worry about.

i need guidance.

2009-03-20T01:17:00.000-07:00

syukurrr alhamdulliah.

after a disconsolate dejected despondent cheerless rough week.

after how people misunderstood and misjudge me. :(

cos im back to the straight road again.

a better road.

im all with smiles and laughter now. :)

syukur alhamdullilahh.

im happy with my results.

but im sure. year2 is soo gonna be tougher.

way tougher.

im sure with my shortcomings and the downturns.

im gonna make it thru.

insyallah.

2009-03-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

dilly ouh dillyBABY.. wen will be our next round huh. haha.

anyhoos. im walking on air. im on cloud nine!

because my

wat-ive-been-waiting-for- hoilday

is like soo finally here.

:):):):):)

hiphipHURRAY.

i tink ive work hard enuf to just let loose now.

i need a short getaway plsss dear fwens.

bring me sumwhere to just relax and njoi!!

b4 school reopens. ouhmen :(

...

BRING ME FLY KITES!!!

2009-02-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

ALL on friday. :)

exams are finnally overrr..

hiphiphurray.

GST money is outt.

*ka-ching*

pit with fwens.

canot wait canot wait!!!

Dany is out!

weee~

2009-02-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

-mugging period-

cant wait. cant wait for exams to be over.

cos i cant wait for all the events, plans and dates

me and my candies, dolls and love has plan.

yeyy-yeyy!

study study study.

till late nite just suck!

awwmen.

2009-02-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

no doubt dey make me happie.

but sumtimes i feel that i cant be myself

wen im around them.

and i duno why.

sumtymes i feel that dey love to judge me.

real and true fwens dun judge, do they?

so are they real and true?

2009-01-28T00:56:00.000-08:00

why cant i breath wenever i tink about you.

why cant i sleep wenever i talk about you.

how i always wish he is as nice PURE and romantic as him.

anyhoos.

my blog has been rather depressin though.

but im still hapie and silly.

how i am. as always. :)

cos my happy-ness derives frm e plp around me :p

i will alwaes be a happy gal.

i promise. :)

2009-01-28T00:39:00.000-08:00

i didnt noe dat it is so important in my life

till dis very day.

i didint noe it can acually bring people down

and affect the wae we live.

i didnt tot dat it is just sometink we will die if we dun have it.

i didnt no tinking bout it makes u so tired and worried. :(

i didnt noe. till dis part of my life here.

and i bliv its an obstacle. a challenge and i need to go thru..

possibly. alone.

2009-01-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

sumtymes.

all i need is a quiet moment.

a shoulder to lean on.

and just cry. :(

hais

2009-01-18T23:27:00.000-08:00

obsession.

2009-01-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

so rude.

so boring.

so un-romantic

so hot-tempered.

so so so...

hais.

dear cindy_rella,

wat have u got urself into..?
.
damn.

anyway. happie 2009.

i just hope my 09 wld be as good as 08.

i had soo much fun.

from that memorable being-treated-like-a-princes valantines nite :)

succeslly as ngee ann-ians.

alot alot alot of new and old fwens.

dat unexpected schlorships award.

dat perfect dates and outings. =)

my almost perfect birthday with so many gifts.

first eleven for dat important match.

wet and wild dusk to dawn zouk-out party!

dat trip.

and that awesone countdown. :)

simply alomost perfect. :)

2008-12-25T04:59:00.000-08:00

till dawn. :)

so many many the people i wanted to meet. met. and unable to meet.

i had so much of fun crap and laughter.

hee.

---

2008-12-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

happy 21st birthdae love. :)

2008-12-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

dun let anyone tell u cant do sumtink

if u got a dream go protect it.

if u want sumtink..

GO GET IT.

the hard tink is that i could not even trust myself.

and wen i realise dat i acualy have..

i made the wrong choice.

thats wen i got hard up.

to get myself up again.

2008-12-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

being in a rship is not so much of a fun tink after all. :(

u cnt even go zouk-out.

u cnt even b fwens wif bois.

u cnt even take quick glaces at bois.

u cnt smoke.

u cnt drink.

u cnt work as a steward.

u cnt go to places which u tink is fun.

u cnt go bck late.

u cnt do so many tink..

and most importantly.

u cnt even be urself.

like as if he's the parent or sumtink.

like where's ur life sial.. :(

2008-11-18T06:40:00.000-08:00

i finally understood everytink.

im tired..

of waiting..

im sorrie.

and i'll try to love you. i'll try.

and errrghhh!!! mr.raSHIT.

good nite.

2008-11-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

i finally understood. EVERYTINK. that is hapenning...

but i still dont understand WHY it is happening..

THISWAY.

it is such a small world after all.

maybe we're just not meant to be :(

p/s: .i.love.you.

2008-11-08T12:09:00.000-08:00

School wouldnt be fun without them. reli.

they never fail to make me laugh each day.

they came down to support me wenever i have match.

they accompany me to kit-kat :)

they are full of suprises.

they are soo "innocent".

they always listen to me.

they accept me being me.

they love me.

and i love them!

they do alot alot of tinks to make me happie :)

but they bully and irritate the hell out of me.

2008-10-31T09:53:00.000-07:00

I had a blast the whole month of octorber!

its like every week. i had suprises after suprises.

i really didint expect all this. =)A

i must say its reli a memorable 20th for me. =)

the 1st week was suprised by my soccer peeps. :)

like almost 15 over plp came down.

i was sooo touched! andddd paicey ok! hehe

the next dae was by them =)the nite b4 i fly. many acually came down to my crib and past me lovely persents!!

even plp whom i haven been in contact like for 1 year acualy remembered!!!

dis year i receive like alost 20 over gifts frm my lovely fwens!

like never ever i receive many many lovely and expensive gifts!!

hehe

=p=p=p

super super happie!!

den the day b4 i fly.. they acualy suprised me!! =)

how sweet.

then it was at veitnam!!! ;)wen i came home. my sis n her bf suprised me with a mini strawberry cheescake!

yumyum!

and i reli tot her fwens were cumin home dats y came hum and clean hse rushy-rushy!! :)

then the last week was the pasrah gang!!

and dis reli reli reli i didnt expect ok.

because oct gonna end and i tot my mth was over!!

and and i reli tot mos cnt make it ok!!!

and little did i noe....

=p=p=p=p

super super hapie ok!!

thank you soooo much everyone for the wishes. the presents and the precence!!

much apreciated.

i had a blast!! =p

2008-10-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

i miss u.

i really do :(

2008-10-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

i was like a vengabon.

struggling and groping in darkness.

searching for a candle.

jus to brighten up my dae.

argh.

its reli frustrating.

at the last minute.

i suddenly lost faith..

in everytink. :(

2008-10-03T00:13:00.000-07:00

BUT IM STILLL HAPPPY!!

hehe.

especially wen plp pay a visit to my cribs one after another.

and i dun ustand y.

almos every house i went.

they comment bout my hair.

hhaha.

its either they ask if its real? or hw long u take to do ur hair?

or must be alot of spray huh? or it look like "amy wine house" hair.

hahah.

wen i only spend less den a minute to clip up my hair.

haha.

2008-10-03T00:06:00.001-07:00

isnt hari raya is the best of the best time for us to seek forgiveness from each other?

we nv noe wen dey gona go...
what if they gone.
and u dun have the chance to seek forgiveness?!

u'll live in regrets and... u cn only afford to shed tears?
hais.

sedangkan nabi boleh maafkan. tkkan kite manusia tk boleh.

arrghhhh!! :(:(:(:(:(

i duno why.
but im reli reli reli dissapointed.
but i guess. sumhow. i dun have any say.

hais

2008-10-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

camat ari raya kpd smua peminat2 setia i.. =p
ampun maaf zahir batin.

soo. 1st dae of syawal. honestly.
wasnt a meriah one for me i guess..

we didint even do 'it' in proper way.
we didint even take a proper picture..

:(:(:(

now is oredi the 3rd dae.
i havent seen him or her smile or laughter of hapiness and joy.
not even once.

and it reli makes me sad. :(
reli.

its all about how i wish.............

and i reli cant control the situation.

how i reli wish i cld.
hais :(

2008-09-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

after months of intensive trng.
im goin for AFF.
effort paid off.

hais.
kinda sad too cos i wont b able to celebrate my bdae dis year again!!!

weeekkkk!!!

p/s: prove to me. and i call you mine.

2008-09-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

In darness i find light. In sorrow i find laughter.

For now its time to alight from this turbulent journey

and to cross every river, climb every mountain and follow every rainbow till ive reached my goals.

2008-09-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

randomly posting,
im nt reli hapie wif my exam results though ive got 3 distictions. hmm :(
sumtymes i feel like a failure.

i love this man with all my heart. he is my inspiration.

he's soo patient and has brought us up well enuf.

but sumhw plp dun seem to be appreciative.

and its a sad tink.

why cnt plp jus learn to forgive and forget. :(

i wish. i wish that one dae we'll be reli reli hapie together.

i reli wish. :(

and ouh.

ive got soo many tinks to acomplish and no one is gonna stop me frm doing wat i wan cos i noe wat i want for myself. im old enuf to make my own decision. but not mature enuf to decide wat i reli wan.. :)

errr...??

and ouh ya!!!!

ZOUKKKOUTT is still here dis year.

and im soo xcited bout it.

and yes. did i mention dat i suddenly feel dat i hate him. ALOT!!

and my scdule is like ssooo sooo pack dat sumtymes i dun have tym for maself.

dat xpalains y i seldom blog.

hmm

2008-08-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

you kept me wondering.

ur the only one i want by my side..

wld u kiss me again..

kiss me like as if u're nv gonna see me again..

2008-08-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BDAE banGbanG! :)

we nv fail to celebrate it together every year.

like last year. i nv tot i cld celebrate this gayboi's bdae this year with him since its been a long tyme since we've met..

and im super super super happie wen i 1st saw him.

cant help it but to jump strait to him and gave him a hug =))

i hope u have njoied every minute of ur special day :)

miss u alot alot.

And thanx dillah. cos if it wasnt for you who pester me to cum. if it wasnt for magic who treaten to bash me up if i din turn up. i dun tink i wld even turn up. hehe,

i love you la baby. =)

2008-08-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

ramdon pic of my practical class! :)

time now is 3.11am.

im super xhausted frm trng.. but i cnt seem to sleep.

my sis hana is super irritated by me.

because i cant keep coughing!

i cough and cough. frm morning till nite.

in the bus. in luctures. in class. during trng. at home! everywhere!!

OMG.
and i cough till i vomit.
and i cough till there's blood stain.

and im still coughing now..

fan is infrnt of me. but im perspiring like i just ran 2.4km.
my lungs is full of phlegm. and i nid to put in force to cough dem out!

this is totally crazy! =(

and and exam is sooo around the corner.
i nid to wake up frm dreamland..!!!

and im happie :)

2008-07-31T04:53:00.000-07:00

The private party was a perfectos for dear jan hopefully.

It was for me aniwae. hahaha. :)

becuase i made jan laugh smile and cry all in 24hrs. =)

and i dun feel bad at all. hehe.

it was full of suprises. :) kan kan?? hehe.

Happy 20th Bdae Love. The best part was we get to meet up!! im super happie :) hehe.

And i LOVE helium ballons!! they're gorgeous.Jan got trick by our magic candles. hehe. she tried to blow the candles countless of times but the fire wont seem to go awae. haha. i teramat gembira cos not my hari jadi oso dapat present. :) toast to.....slumber partyy! we swallow helium gas n made funnie voices and played twister.

we had alot alot of fun that nite! i super love it. i want more!!!! :)

and i truly sincerely love my pasrahs candies. muah.

2008-07-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Guess where were we?in was really an inpromptu.

dat xpains the un-properly attired.

ma soocer and school mate can really get along well at 1st sight.we took pictures at every spot. every corner.we sweat like pigs! and we're lovin it. =)like monkey see monkey do. dun ask me but i cnt xplain wat i was trying to do. dat place literally made me go berserk!we literally went crazy...
we got high and super hyper!

we were reli reli noisy dat plp kept stealing glances like as if we're bunch of mad plp jus escape frm mental hospital.

we got relii wet and wild..for 4 hours till the sky went dark.
it was super fun. =)
i suka.

and i wana play kite next can..? :(

2008-06-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

But im still happie. =p im recovering. insyallah.

Im proud of my team bcos we're the champion for the women's league. =)

Sumtinks are jus goin my wae and im very proud of maself.

The dae b4 the ceremony.. i receive a call.

among 1500 students. im one of the 200.

among 200 in one of the 20 students from 1st year.

and among 50 im one of the 15 students!!

ive been awarded. Sports Scholarship Award.

and dey came to support me. thanx alot. =)

in jus 3mths in campus and ive been noticed.

i've never been proud-ER of maself. hee.

and weekend was a blast with ma peeps cos despite being sick. i achieve many tinks along the wae. aside frm being the champion of womens league. and the sports schlorship award.

With 3As out of 5 subject and a B. i reckon i score preety well dis semester. =) and im veri hapie with maself.

and now. if dis is my week. if im reli lucky. if GOD is really on my side.

this week coach will announced who will be the confirmed team for the competition in octorber.

and im reli praying hard....

2008-06-30T00:16:00.000-07:00

I remember vividly in stretches.

trails of mascara mixed with tears rolling down my cheek

mucus seeped frm my nose..

head so heavy. needle-like feeling poking my head frm one side to another.

Rashes all over my body. Nausea. Vommitus.

Choking pain everytime i swallow down saliva.

My body temperature goes up and down rapidly. shivering day and nite.

My body always drench with sweat.

So xhausted. so weak...

for 2 straight months.

Stubborn refuse medications and doctors..

query dengue fever.

i still go on with work school and trainings..

silly silly me.

2008-06-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

there is a saying that goes.

when someone or sumtink walks awae frm ur life.

another will come and replace the lose one.

but for my case..

when one come, another goes.. =_(

when will dis end?

can we ever be as one...?

hais.

alot of tinks have been goin goin thru my mind.

like oways..

but i cant do anytink.

all i can do is jus pray and hope dat tinks will go hw i wan it to be.

for now. all i cn do is just keep smiling like as if notinks hapens and jus laugh dem awae.

hopeless.

2008-05-13T23:20:00.000-07:00

im getting really emotional this days. =_(

and i feel like giving up any moment.

and

i have a huge crush on ____.

but i still miss euu.

2008-05-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes u've got to let go of the things u dun wana let go.. =(

Guys, do you know that wen girls ask you to leave..

they are acually shouting to u in silent, please stay will u.

and sumtymes i wonder y GOD make sum people to be soo perfect.

and sumtymes i wonder if people ever change for the better?

anyhoos, 5 years seem like yesterdae.

soon, he'll be cumin back home.

how tyme acuallly flies..

2008-05-01T07:49:00.001-07:00

im veri sure dat i make the right decision.
ive seen the fake smiles and moves of guys like u!!
u may sae dat i dun apreciate plp like u.
like do i look like i care..??!!
indeed i dun apreciate GUYS like you who goes around saying I LOVE YOU to girls like ur saying IM USING YOU! dammit! and at the same tyme u go around dating other girls.

wahh. i reli bliv dat u love me larr..

argh! this is fcukin irritating larr!!
i had enuf.

guys never apreciate girls anywae too wat!!

2008-05-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

Hapie bdae bloved sister. =)

despite me falling sick. i still goo on with my weekend.

it was a perfectos!

and yes. its been a week and im still coughing!!!! and its reli irritating.

and i cough till i vomit.

i didint eat anytink the whole dae and i vomitted 7 times in jus 4hrs.

this is bad.

and my body. it seem to died on me. cos i feel so weak. so lethagic. and i dun have the energy to do anytink.
and soo im sorie fwens to ask me out. i rejected 4 dates todae cos.. i repeat. I DUN HAVE THE ENERYGY. :( this is so not me ok. im oways full of energy. when will this end??? hais.

bt i sooo degil cos i refused to consult a doctor and take medications. :(

and soo. im running awae frm things. frm my sickness. frm my problems. frm people.

i refused to think about tinks dat is distracting me. cos i cnt seem to find the solutions to it.

good tinks oways cums to an end. and soo. walah. i tink in ended. just like that. :(

fcuk.

2008-04-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

EXHAUSTED.ME.COM

ok some random pictures at pattaya. i miss the activities there. hmm.

ok i tink im over-worked.

yesterdae, despite knowing my energy level was like 10%, i continued training.

bcos tired is not an excuse not to train.

soo. yes. halfwae, i pitam and almost fainted. almos la.

ive nv fainted in my life b4. haha.

and my body was shivering like sum1 hu is hving fits.

i was super weak and i dun even have the energy to Answer wen they ask if i was ok.

they almos wanted to kol an ambulance. haha

and i cnt stop coughing. super irritating.

especially in the bus or tutorial lessons. plp wld be lookin at me. even my sister was irritated. cos she cldnt sleep. hmm..

and and despite knowing im gona fall sick any moment.

i refuse to take any medication. cos... i noe even w/o consuming medication sumhw or rather i'll get well. =)i tink i have high immune system cos its been like 2/3 years ago dat i acualy got reli sick and i got better the next morning.(wat kind of nurse am i) haha. ok i simply cnt take medication ok esp cough syrup! it taste so sucky la! i wonder y plp tink its sweet. yucks! i tink memang patut jadi nurse cos i only cn give and force plp take medicine.

muahaha.

and i injured both my ankle. my shin and my groin. and it wont heal for already two weeks despite me icing and goin for treatment and all. why? cos i simply so degil cos i wont rest durng trng. i kip goin on and on...

haiyo. why? i reli duno why...

and i have 3 projects and 4 assingment to be dued in 2 weeks.

sooooo this means that im super duper fcukin stressssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!

and im sooo stress dat im goin cafe del ma tonite to celebrate my kakak nana bdae.

yey! and my life goes on and on w/o full-stop. hais.

...

2008-04-16T01:16:00.001-07:00

"dun act like u love me and only me wen ur out there dating tons of gals."
like wat the heck?! does it make sense?! grr. GUYS!!

HMM.

ok.

wen to zouk with dem them but wasnt long. and head home early.

ohwells, clubin' isnt so exciting nimore as it use too. the intrest is just nt there nimore.
start school oredi so means. less clubin. less outins. less lepak-ings. and more study!

so far so good. school is err ok.
friends is ok too. =) but.. im like the 2nd oldest in the class la.
super boring cos i feel so old. my ite daes, the oldest in my class was wat? 40+..
hmm. k but im reli trying to adapt to changes. ive been too relaxed for a month.
and now. ive to juggle btwin school, training and work. super exhausted. cos training now is like everyday. so im gonna be supper busy. and yes. i, nuranis bte mohamad, will promise dat i will study hard and exel in my studies. =) insyallah.

ok. remember i wen to support my sis for her futsal competition?

yeah. end up, i have to play for dem too.

so means i went home with my wet bra and undies. super UNconfatable.

but playing with miss playcheat was super fun. the spirit was there. :)

so dun be suprise if i quit nationals and be a full time miss playcheat. haha.

sisters, we scored a goal each :) well, we use to play netball together. and now we soccer. heeh. and rynn. super hot and gorgeous. :)

chey chey. look hus dribling.. haha.
playcheat playcheat. fite fite fite!!

miss playcheat. :)

so im gona update once in a while now wenever im free.

chey, kate poly student. busy mah.. haha.

ok gtg. c u around. :)

2008-04-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

LOSTinmyOWNworld__

seriously i duno wats wif me dis few daes.

my body can be there but sumhw my mind and soul wanders offf. i feel so distracted. but i reli duno wat causes all this. like i feel super duper sad. but i duno hu to pour it out to. =(
im like so confuse and i jus cnt concentrate.
especially during trng. i simply jus cnt concentrate.

sumtymes i feel like im stuck in a dark box. suffocatin. all alone. tryin so hard to get out. but i cant! sumtymes at sum point. i jus felt like quiting.
everytink. jus drop everytink and run awae and be alone.
but sumtymes, sumhw or rather. i nid sum1. to take awae dat pain.
to just sit bside me and just keep quite. and feel me.

sumtymes i just feel like bursting out. for no reason.
well dats stoopid. i noe.

wats with me?
shit!

knock me in the head sumone! :( i nid to wake up!!

and im staarting sch nxt week!! like OMG??!

2008-04-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

my sis and fwens is having futsal comp dis sundae.
and im gonna support her! :)

soo hapie cos at least u noe ders sum1 in the family hu shares the same intrest.
hehe.

go "miss playcheat"!!

p/s: 9 more daes.. OMG!!!!

2008-04-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

i was browsing ngee an's website.
and to noe i missed my compulsory induction programes on 31mac.
and the camp which is todae.

hurhur :(

2008-04-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

guess who's back? teee hee..

this trip was soo full of ups and downs.

there are daes wen u feel soo over the top!

and there are daes wen u feel like this is the worse trip ever!

haha.

tons of pictures to be uploaded. not now. :)

ok results of ngee ann confirmation is jus out.

and confirmed status: enrolled!

so happiee!! but i duno y geting into poly is like one of the scariest tink ever ever!

in 2weeks time im bck to being a student again. aww men..

means no $$. haha. and means u have to start all over again. new fwens. new environment. new knowledge. new everytink. of cos i love changes but.... hmm.

but the time-table.

is waee much better den my ite.

cos the earliest u end school wld be a 11am and latest is 5pm.

cool or wat? k i very jakun ok.

cos my ite daes. the earliest i end was at 4pm and latest was at 6pm ok!

so im happie :)

ok gtg training for nw.

aniwae. im sad. and only god knows why. :(

2008-03-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

flying off to bangkok! =)

yey!!!

be back soon ok!
i noe u guys gonna miss me..
aww.. i'll miss u guys too!
hehe.

sinorita..

2008-03-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

candies. i had a whole lot of blast dat dae.

thanx for the meetups.

cos i miss u guys soo much. :)

and to whom it may concern,

im reli sorry dat i cant return the love that u need frm me. im jus nt ready yet. i have yet to find the key to open the door to my heart.

being in a rship is a lifetime comitmment.

and im not ready to take that risk again, yet.

its nt dat i dun wan to be ur fwen.

no doubt, yes i reli3 wana be ur fwen but im jus afraid dat i wld gif u hope.i dun wana gif u any hope. i didint noe wat to do.and soo... i stayed awae. and i noe it hurts badly. but i tot its just the best tink to do.

once again im sorrie. :(

i olwaes wish i cld make everyone happie.

but im sorrie. ive realised dat i dun have the ability to do so.i tot i cld. i tot i did. but instead i hurt plp more. :(

bcos of my fcuking past. i blamed all guys are the same.

no doubt sumhw or rather i still feel the same. im sorie.

i feel super duper bad.

im fickle minded. and i oways duno wat i want.

im oways makin wrong decisions.

and im oways lost and confuse.

my fwen oways envy me saying im oways hapie go lucky and all..

i may look all hapie everydae smiles and laughter like ders notink to care about.

but do u noe dat at the end of the dae.

wen im on the bus.

i wld stare into blank space and ask myself,

wat do i reli want..?

and i just cldnt get the answer to my question.

=_(

silly me__.

i miss love.

2008-03-21T11:17:00.001-07:00

i miss SNEK the other dae.
shit.

now i cnt miss this.
catch me and my teamates on

Belles in Action wed 7pm.
muahaha

2008-03-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

elfi hana nurul and me.

i found dis in my photo album.

hhaha. look how much we have acualy grown. :)

and nurul. ur sooo chubby and now?? sooo slim sexa and gorgeous!!

haha.

elfi. remember the old times wen i slept over at ur place?

we oways play wrestling. u wld carry me and throw me on da bed. haha.

now i dun tink u cld even lift me up. haha.

suddenly miss the old times. ehehe.

ok. gdnite. =)